Can You Be Crippled By Perfectionism?

 "The essence of being human is that one does not seek perfection." 

        - George Orwell

What is Perfectionism? 

    Perfectionism is the need to attain perfection. Many of us tend to send ourselves in spirals seeking perfection. When we're testing, we're seeking the perfect score. We look for the ideal partner. We even search for the ideal meal sometimes and end up dissatisfied with the choices we made. In 2019, a highlight article on vox.com noted that 284 studies correlated elevated levels of perfectionism with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, deliberate self-harm, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. You see, this crippling little thing can cause us to lose focus on the bigger picture. It can cause us to forget about our self-worth. 

                        Okay, so, no one is saying to lower your standards or give up on your dreams; however, I am saying that it is essential to really aim at what you are doing. Failure and rejection are a part of life, but you always see to fight another fight. We sometimes sell ourselves short when we are highly critical of ourselves or assume that what others think is our burden to carry. Set realistic goals/standards, be self-motivated, and DO NOT GIVE UP! I REPEAT, DO NOT give up. It is so much easier said than done, but at some point or another in life, we all experience some sort of awakening. This is the moment we realize that nothing or no one is perfect. Each waking day is a new day, another day to improve and be the best YOU that you can be. 

Am I the ONLY contribution to this mentality? 

Dealing with my own onset of crippling perfectionism, I've realized that there are so many factors that could contribute. It does not have to be just that we believe that we can achieve crystal precise perfection. So, maybe some individuals from diverse backgrounds may understand specific pressures that come along with cultural expectations. My FAVORITE one and one I might have struggled with at one point in time. HIGH PARENTAL EXPECTATIONS!!!! Has your mother or father ever held you to such high expectations, you felt heavier pressure to succeed? You monitored and criticized yourself through every aspect? BOOM! That's just one more reason to seek perfection. Unfortunately, some people are in situations where they have highly critical parents or verbally abusive ones who shame them. It can be pretty crippling to strive for perfection to prove them wrong for every horrible thing they have ever said. 

    BUT WAIT!! 

You might say those are kind of negative. However, positive reinforcement or excessive compliments on achieving goals and such can also lead to perfectionism. Some people experience being crippled by PERFECTION when they attribute their self-worth to achievements. Feelings of inadequacy, but who is to say that we are inadequate? We've all had to start somewhere at some point or another in life. Failure and rejection are both parts of what we as humans experience here during our journey of life. Still, we see ourselves evolve and grow into purposeful beings when we don't let rejections/failures consume our minds and cripple the mindset. At some point, we realize that WE ARE NOT IN CONTROL OF EVERYTHING IN OUR ENVIRONMENTS! What I mean by that is, we can't control the outer world and how they handle us, we can't control how many times we hear no. We CAN control our responses, our approaches, and the way we decide to move on. 

Sure, we can dream. YES, it's okay to have a BIG imagination. That does not mean to have expectations that may be out of this world. It is STRESSFUL and complicated. Universally, we all want to succeed and be the best version of ourselves. It is absolutely possible. 

Although some families may encourage perfection, we will discuss how we can get out of beating ourselves down and holding ourselves to crazy wild standards bound by perfection. 

I can genuinely say, based on the generation of today, we have come a long way from stressing to look a certain way because the media says that is beauty. We have graduated from hiding our true selves. There's still always someone, somewhere, who HAS NOT reached that level of being yet, and it is definitely hindering them from their true potential!!! As much as we'd love to be perfect with zero mistakes, it is damn near impossible. Plus, it's better this way!! There is always something to learn and something to improve, which contributes to us contributing to those around us in our respective areas of life. 

Overall, it's so important to cherish our mental health and well-being. That includes giving up perfectionism and chill on self-criticism. I mean, YES! Be dedicated, but don't overwhelm yourself. A few ways to cope is to get rid of constant negative thoughts. Be mindful and come to accept your thoughts about being a perfectionist. When you are more aware, you may deflect the need to strive for perfection and not react to your propensity. You will be able to release the stress that comes with the feelings. Focus on the positive aspects of your character, your work, and where you are in life right now. Do not fixate yourself on the negativity or the downfalls. Shit happens! So, each moment you find yourself questioning things or counting out all the horrible, ridiculous stuff you've dealt with in your fight for perfection, take the time out to name a few things you are grateful for. 

MISTAKES ARE OKAY!!! AGAIN, mistakes are okay! Your standards may be super unrealistic because you set these extreme standards. Think smart and set goals that you can achieve. Let's just say this, it is definitely not to say you're incompetent or you aren't able. I remember when I first heard someone tell me to think about what I can achieve and set realistic goals. It came off harsh, and I took offense. That was on me! It was never meant to hurt, but to help me realize that I am being way too hard on myself and should allow myself room to make mistakes and overcome by learning a thing or two. I learned to strike out a healthier challenge when I set goals to achieve within a specific timeframe. I strategically plan out timelines for when certain projects should be due. This may not work for everyone, but it is worth a try if it brings peace. 

This next thing ties in with what I mentioned earlier about how I felt that someone's criticism was offensive and harsh. Well, we should honestly learn to accept criticism personally. There's a difference between judgemental criticism versus productive criticism. It is normal to receive feedback because it allows us to clean up whatever we should work on. Feedback should be welcomed in situations that warrant it. It is normal to make mistakes, but what the hell? What's normal anyway? 

PERFECT does not exist in this life. We can be proud of trying and doing our best. Lower that pressure, tell yourself, "No pressure. I got this. I can do it." Reaffirm and remind yourself that you're a gem! 

Yep, perfection can be crippling. It can cause panic attacks, anxiety attacks, stress, headaches, and so much more. We have to regroup and find our ground. We must remind ourselves that perfection does not exist. The perfect person does not exist, the perfect world does not exist, and perfection is a perfect myth!

"Perfection is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it's the thing that's really preventing us from taking flight. 

                                                                                            - Brene Brown 

Thank you for taking the time to read. If you liked this article, share it with someone you love and want to overcome perfectionism. Also, keep reading for more!